Let's Think About It Podcast

The Life-Changing Moment That Turned Mawiyah Demas Into a Life Coach

• Morice Mabry • Season 2 • Episode 38

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🎙️ Have you ever faced a challenge so daunting it seemed impossible to overcome? 🌟 Meet Mawiyah Demas, a life coach from Sacramento, whose incredible journey of raising her prematurely born son, Che, with autism will inspire you to see the limitless potential in every obstacle. ✨ In this episode of the Let's Think About It podcast, Mawi shares her transformative story, revealing how the hurdles she faced spurred her into a career dedicated to helping other parents in similar situations. 💪❤️

🎵 Listen as she talks about rekindling her passion for music 🎸 and how balancing personal aspirations with parental responsibilities can lead to a resilient, fulfilling life despite the challenges. 🌈

🚀 Join us as we explore key aspects of personal growth and empowerment, focusing on overcoming fears and achieving dreams. 🌟 We'll guide you through a framework that breaks life into four essential areas:
💞 Love and relationships
💼 Vocation
⏳💵 Time and money
💪🌿 Health and well-being

🛠️ Discover powerful techniques to silence the inner critic 🧠 and transform fear into opportunities for personal development. 💡 Learn from Mawi's insights about maintaining self-motivation and embracing imperfection, which can lead to unexpected personal discoveries. 🌱

🎧 This episode is a call to action for self-reflection and continuous improvement, encouraging you to unlock your full potential and create a life aligned with your true self. 🌟💖

Speaker 1:

Welcome to the let's Think About it podcast, where we embark on a journey of thoughtfulness and personal growth. I'm your host, Coach Mo, and I'm here to guide you through thought-promoting discussions that will inspire you to unlock your full potential. In each episode, we'll explore a wide range of topics, from self-discovery and mindfulness to goal-setting and achieving success. Together, we'll challenge conventional thinking and dive deep into the realms of possibility. Whether you're looking to find clarity in your personal or professional life, or seeking strategies to overcome obstacles, this podcast is your go-to source for insightful conversations and practical advice. So find a comfortable spot, chill and let's embark on this journey of self-improvement together. Remember, the power of transformation lies within you, and together we'll uncover the tools and insights you need to make it happen. So let's dive in. Welcome to another episode of the let's Think About it podcast. I'm your host, Coach Mo, and I'm here with another amazing guest. Her name is Maui Ademas. Maui, my sister. What's happening, girl?

Speaker 2:

What is good, life is great, how you doing, I'm doing good, I'm doing really good. Happy to be here, happy to share some space with you.

Speaker 1:

Thank you. Thank you. One of the first things that I do with my guests when they come on is I ask them where they're checking in from around the country or around the world. So where are you calling in from?

Speaker 2:

I'm calling from Sacramento, california, sacramento.

Speaker 1:

What's up In the heavens City of trees. Yes, yes, born and raised.

Speaker 2:

No, actually I was born in Southern California, culver City, and then we moved up here I like to say in my wonder years, in sixth grade, and I've been here ever since.

Speaker 1:

That's awesome. That's awesome. So who are you, what you do, and we're looking to know what type of knowledge you're going to share today.

Speaker 2:

Well, my name is Malia Demas and I am a transformational life coach. I have been a parent for a long time of an autistic kiddo and a lot of the information that I have and the business that I've built is life coaching other autistic parents and helping them understand they were still a parent before their child and their diagnosis and they're still a person afterwards, and I've just been enjoying the journey and helping people get to know who they are and remember their dreams, and so that's some of the stuff that I'm going to share with you today and I'm really excited about it. That's awesome.

Speaker 1:

Let's go back a little bit. Take me through your journey that you know got you to this point of being a life coach.

Speaker 2:

Well, it's a very interesting story. My son I had at 20 years old and he was a preemie, born at 26 weeks, a whole trimester early, and he came so early he was delivered in my mother's bed and so we knew that we were going to have life challenges for him. They gave us a diagnosis, that, and a prognosis that he wasn't going to walk, talk, even communicate with us at all, and so my journey started there with my own child and making sure that he has all the services that he needs and therapies and attention. And the journey taught me a lot. And what I noticed when we were out in public we had other families that would come up to us and ask us questions and I would happily, you know, share what I knew and understood about autism at that time. He was born in 1990. So a lot of the services that were provided for our children were limited, and even more so for us as parents to have resources. And so it all started with Che. It all absolutely started with Che.

Speaker 2:

I always wanted to be a teacher and one of the things that I learned and understood was that that's what my purpose is, and so I started life coaching and helping other parents to find resources and even for advocacy, because we had a hard journey with the school districts, his medical providers they would quickly shoo us off and not answer questions because they didn't know a lot of the information.

Speaker 2:

And so I had to read a lot, learn a lot, talk to a lot of other parents and professionals teachers mostly and kind of learned how to navigate my child's autism, and now I have the pleasure and the honor of helping other families get to where they need to be. Now, mind you, my journey started in music education. I actually went to Sac State here on a music scholarship and then I had my son my sophomore year and then that, you know, put a pin. I'm not going to say I stopped singing, but I put a pin in it and so he became my first priority and that changed, you know, my whole trajectory. In all honesty, it was a tough journey, but one that I feel blessed to have experienced because it shaped me as a person and as a provider or coach to others.

Speaker 1:

You had mentioned that you're a life transitional coach, right. What does that mean, and who are you helping with the transition? Who was that audience? And give us a little bit more insights about that?

Speaker 2:

That's a great question. So I am a transformational coach. That means that I help people align with their hopes and dreams and help them achieve those things. So, for example, I help other parents like myself. For me I'll use myself as an example I reunited with music, right, I started singing again and making sure that I made time for that, initially when I had my son.

Speaker 2:

It put me into a tailspin, I would say, and I thought that was the end of my dream, like there was nothing else besides my son anymore, because he depended on me for everything, everything and anything. And so I lost touch and moved away and turned into this worried parent that stopped laughing, stopped singing, stopped enjoying life. And the parents that I help, I bring them back to where they were before. They had their children. Right, we all had hopes and dreams. My goal is to transform them and get them on that path to their dreams. Right, we have resources as parents, especially for our special needs guys.

Speaker 2:

A lot of folks will use, not on purpose, the diagnosis to not have joy, not to be happy, not to have friends, not to continue to be in society, because a lot of the things that we deal with as parents especially of us with non-verbal autistic children. They make more noises and sounds and sound like monsters and scare people, and so we start to hide, we start to you know, to think there's nothing more than this. This is my life now, but when in reality we are still entitled to be happy and to not allow that diagnosis to stop us from doing what we are here on this earth to do, a lot of times we separate ourselves from our dreams.

Speaker 1:

That's powerful, that you've been able to find your purpose and being that coach, helping other people find their purpose and make their shift. I'm here correctly, right? That's what you do, right correct.

Speaker 2:

That's exactly right okay.

Speaker 1:

So what's? What's that process look like when you try to help somebody find their purpose and you said you work with parents, with trying to reunite what that dream was before they started having kids. But what is that process to help them do that?

Speaker 2:

Well, I take them through this exercise where we break down our life into four categories.

Speaker 2:

The first one is love and relationships, the next one is vocation, time and money, freedom, as well as health and well-being.

Speaker 2:

And so what we do is we look at each of those categories in their lives and we have them list, what they think is holding them back Right, and then on the other side we say, well, what is the dream, what do you, what is your goal, where do you want to be Right?

Speaker 2:

So, for example, with health, some folks want to get back into exercising, right, because now they have health problems because of the stress of life period, point blank. Or they're looking for that love in their life, but since they had their child and they feel like no one's going to understand, no one's going to want to be in a relationship with this, this is already a death sentence, for myself at least, the death of my dreams, for myself and my child. And then for vocation, you know we'll go through and you know they'll say, oh, I want to make you know, a hundred thousand dollars a year. And then we kind of just pick out, you know a section where they feel the least satisfied or distant, you know, and feel like they want more for that, and then we focus on those things and we make a plan and then we set up our step.

Speaker 1:

That's awesome and you know, as a coach like yourself, you know people show up with their own stories of themselves and their circumstance. Right, and I'm thinking when you working with women who have kids and trying to help them get back to the dreams that they had before kids they had before kids I'm visualizing the story that we often tell ourselves that I can't do that, I can't be this, or even, in my case, right, I can't get that football physique that I used to have when I play right. And then you just kind of believe that and then you just do not try and you kind of lose hope and you go through the motions day in and day out and nothing ever changes, right? I label that as the inner critic being present, consistently present, absolutely. You know what I mean, absolutely. You know what I mean. So, when we're talking about the inner critic and you being a transformational coach, how do you help them silence that inner critic so that that inner critic can get out of their way and they can step over and start going after that dream?

Speaker 2:

that's a great question and it's absolutely One of the things that I help in is identifying those paradigms and understanding where those are coming from. Because a lot of times you know, you hear something your mother said a couple times. You know basketball might not be for you, or you know that instrument Don't know if that's for you, right and then you kind of carry that with you, even though that gave you joy and it gave you a little light inside, and you're like, oh well, if mom didn't like it, you know someone else. I can't bring this out and about, you know. And so I like to address the paradigms and then, once we've addressed them, we look to see where they came from.

Speaker 2:

And then we realize a lot of times it's just insecurity and fear. And one of the exercises that I do is called befriending your fear, recognizing it, taking its power away, calling it out by its name and then putting it on the shelf. Because now you've identified it, because a lot of times we're scared of things and we build ourselves up, the anxiety goes up, you're sweating, you're shaking, you know, and you're thinking, oh, I absolutely can't do this. And then you do it and you're like what the heck was I afraid of?

Speaker 1:

exactly yes, and it's just that monster under the bed that has no power and here's the other thing I have my inner critic, you have your inner critic, your parents have their inner critic. Everyone has an inner critic, right? Absolutely. So I'm going a little deep. So I'm thinking about the clients you've worked with, right, and, like you said, you have parents. You're trying to help them transform and get back to the way that they used to be right. Take it from this viewpoint there's people that influence their fears onto them, that's preventing them from getting back to their dreams, because the people that's in their ear or in their circle of influence have certain fears that they went through and because of their fears, they're projecting it onto the next person and then that person is terrified to not even try yeah, yeah, absolutely.

Speaker 2:

It's kind of like when you have a parent like for okay, I'm gonna use myself an example I don't like avocados. I, I absolutely don't like them. But I, as a, made sure that my child tried the avocados several different ways before he was able to say he didn't like it. I say that because a lot of times, like you said, our dislikes, our fears, our past experiences a lot of times we do put them on to other people. Right, we try to stop them or criticize them from doing that because you don't have the vision that that person has. Right, they have this goal, they have this purpose, you know, for doing whatever it is going to college. We have parents that have taught children that are going to college because they don't want their children to move out right, and so, again, that's where I help folks identify that it's their fear versus someone else's fear.

Speaker 2:

So now we've broken it down into half. A lot of times it's 50-50, ours and theirs and then ours and theirs, and then we kind of look at not kind of. We look at and see why maybe that fear, why maybe that motivation to keep someone so safe or keep them so, so small, because they don't want them to get hurt or disappointed. You know, because sometimes you just have to take the chance and again the fear what you're fearing isn't always the case, like we build it up so much in our minds and we have to stop and listen to the small, still silent voice or soft voice in our heads and in our spirit and go.

Speaker 2:

Okay, I can do that. You know that's going to be the quiet voice. The voice that's screaming out loud is usually the thing that fear, that anxiety, somebody else's ideas or paradigms that are rearing their ugly hats. And so we, we practice this for about six to 12 weeks, depending on the program that they sign up on, because it's so important to know why we do what we do and notice what we're noticing and why. Right, so that's powerful, that's powerful.

Speaker 1:

So let's just say, I'm your client and you just took me through your steps and I've identified the fear. All right, now what I identified what happens for me now.

Speaker 2:

So a technique that I learned that I really like is you schedule it out, revisit that in three days, put it away, and what that does is it takes your focus, the immediate focus, off of it and it gives you a chance to do whatever steps that you were working on doing whatever progress you were making. And then, by the time the three like I'll say three days from now, you know which would be a Monday, at 6 30 PM, and if you're still feeling that anxiety, you're still hearing that little voice after you've moved forward through those three days, by then we've forgotten, we've moved on, we have already progressed Right and that fear has lost its power.

Speaker 1:

Okay, I'm going to go here because this is what I do with clients, right, let's manipulate the mind a little bit. When you feel fear, worry, discouragement, anxiety, anger, let that be the trigger to remind you to be courageous in that moment.

Speaker 1:

I love that, yes to be courageous in that moment. I love that, yes, or let that be the trigger to remind you of an important value to you in that scenario that you're in Right. So let's say, the value I'm going to pick is integrity. Integrity is very important. That's my number one value, right? Absolutely Okay. So I got to speak in front of an audience, I got to do this presentation at work or something. Okay, I'm scared as hell.

Speaker 2:

Shaking in your boots.

Speaker 1:

Right, what I'm saying is the fact that I'm afraid and I'm very nervous. Use that as the trigger to remind you to implement your integrity value in that moment and see how you feel at that in that moment. So, the fear that I have going into the presentation, right, that's the trigger to remind me that I'm about to do the right thing, because that's what my integrity is right, right, right.

Speaker 2:

I've been there. I've been there and actually, for me, I I get stage fright when I sing and I feel like the more nervous I am, the more the most. The best performance I'm it's going to be the best performance because I'm giving it my all, I'm digging in, I'm pushing through, because it's like you remember when you were a kid and you were dared to jump off of something or jump into the water that you can't see into and you're like I'm not going to do it, I'm not going to do it. Okay, I'm going to do it. No, I'm not going to do it. That whole buildup Right. And I always say like, when, when you have those friends and they're like let's go, let's go, let's go, and then you're like, okay, fine, I'll go, and then you're like that was the best experience ever. You know what I mean. So it's like the louder that voice you're right the more it can push you. It can be like let's do it, let's do it.

Speaker 1:

Exactly, and it's that point that I made about the value aspect. It's another strategy to get through the uncomfortable state of being that you might be in in that moment. And that's another tactic, right, because what I help coach my clients on, because I'm an energy leadership coach and when you feel those unwanted emotions, the fear, the doubt, the guilt, the hopelessness, those type of things, in that moment of that feeling you're stagnated Right, stuck, right. But then if you can remind yourself of a certain value or take certain actions, it moves you away from that feeling, into a more desirable state of being, which I call antibiotic energy, where you start to feel really good and confident, encouraged, standardized, right right. Think about it when you've been on, like you said, you were nervous, stage fright, right, you went through the action and as you were speaking and doing your thing, that fear went away. It just kind of went away because you're doing the action of it and that's and that's.

Speaker 2:

I'm also that person too, that if I said that I'm going to do something, I don't want to disappoint, right, myself or the other folks, and so I tell myself, well, I said I could do it, I'm going to do it, let's go. You know what I mean. I have to have to be my own cheerleader and like, really kind of keep the my eye on the ball and it's like, okay, this is what I said I'm going to do. And back to your point about integrity I I'm not going to get do anything that I I wouldn't say give advice to anyone, that I wouldn't take myself Right.

Speaker 2:

So if, if I'm afraid it's probably means that I'm, I'm on the right path Like like, for example, me doing this full time, I had to step into my faith and understand that this is what I'm supposed to be doing. And I think to myself well, you know, I've always been in the corporate world. I've always had a salary, job, I always had all these things. But the greater good weighed bigger for me than the salary and the you know, cubicle and knowing I have a job. But I always know that there's people out there that need help.

Speaker 2:

Right, and if I, if I, it's been put on my in my spirit to keep moving forward to that, you know, and so I try to give that energy to whomever I'm working with, so that they can feel that motivation and kind of fuel what's going on inside and and have them realize a fear is just emotion, it's just a thought, and, and when you have an idea and that you want to do this, you need to do this. This is what your life is supposed to. You're on the right path, though that people always say, oh, when you know I just do what I love and and it's not a day of work. That's not true.

Speaker 1:

It's always going to be work.

Speaker 2:

It's always going to be self-reflection, it's always going to be hard, and getting past that and understanding and identifying what it is that you want to do and taking those steps is befriending that fear Because, yes, you could fail. But so what? The good news is you can get right back up. I don't care if you stumble out on the stage and trip and fall on your face.

Speaker 1:

You just can't help and trip and fall on your face, you just can't help. And when you talk about fail like I'm going to push back a little bit because in my viewpoint it's all perspective right, absolutely. When I see failure, I see failure as quitting, giving up, right. We always make mistakes, right, and even if you wanted to characterize a mistake as a failure, there's always opportunity to grow within that failure or mistake. And that's where the growth opportunity happens Absolutely. And so we become let's take, for example, fear of failure. Right, it's all an illusion, and I say that because we want shit to just be smooth.

Speaker 2:

Every day.

Speaker 1:

All day, every day, all day, every day, right yeah if it was always smooth.

Speaker 2:

Where is the?

Speaker 1:

opportunity to grow absolutely if it's perfect. Absolutely all the time. No mistakes are ever made. Ever get better if you're perfect right.

Speaker 2:

so I said fail, because that's what my clients will say, okay, and then I have them identify well, what does that failure look like? What exactly is failure in your eyes? Right, you know, being 15 minutes late could be a fail to someone, right, you know, to an interviewer to work. And I always tell people in my life the mistakes that I've made were lessons. They're not mistakes. They happened for a reason, right, so that I could learn, be stronger, understand what I really want so I can move forward. You know, if someone was trying to find a spouse, I would say, okay, well, what does that look like? What does that person look like? How do they talk, how do they walk, how do they move?

Speaker 2:

When I was dating for a while, I used to joke that I kept them on a conveyor belt because it's like I would ask God okay, I need this, this, this, and then I'd get it and I was like, ooh, that wasn't it. Coming back, you know, whereas some people like, well, you, you know, if that wasn't it, then I'm done looking for love. This is silly, I don't want to do it anymore. I'm tired of getting my heart broken and disappointed.

Speaker 2:

Well, the good news is, there's always an opportunity to get out and do other things and accidentally find the love of your life, and which is how a lot of people do it right, not on purpose and without, without a plan, you know. So I say all that to say you know we make, we make mistakes, but that is not defcon one. That doesn't mean that it's over. That means that it's an opportunity to self-reflect and re-approach right, and, and so that's what I get to do with folks each time I talk to them, because once you and that's something else about befriending your fear making your your little monster, little, even more littler, right, and because you're taking that power away. So so that's's, that's kind of how I see that, and I totally agree. You're absolutely correct.

Speaker 1:

You know, from coach to coach. This is why I admire you. You had this transformation that you went through and you're paying it forward, right, absolutely, and you're teaching your clients how to do that Absolutely, walking the talk, that Absolutely Walking the talk right, yeah, and Crying the same tears, but it's powerful, it's powerful.

Speaker 1:

It's powerful because when you talk about transformation and I even I see this, not just in you know clients and people that I work, I even see it in my family right you carry these stories in your head, that you just believe it to be true and, like I said earlier, that story is flawed as hell and it prevents you from trying. The fact that you're helping a person dismiss that story, change the narrative of the story, absolutely get to the other side of what they used to dream about. This is huge. It's powerful, thank you.

Speaker 2:

And it's. It's a lot of work, you know, and that's the first thing that I tell folks that I work with this is not going to be easy, but your life already isn't easy. So at least let's make it better, right? Right, let's change the narrative a little bit. You know, even a lot of times we have to start with the story of our children. You know, I thought my son was when he was born. You know he was. You know, even, a lot of times we have to start with the story of our children. You know, I thought my son was when he was born. You know he was.

Speaker 2:

You know, at least when I was pregnant, you know, you have all these dreams and aspirations he's going to be president, he's going to be a football player, he's going to be whatever. And then for them to tell me that he wasn't going to talk, walk, play, you know they said he would just be an invalid and they didn't even want to take him off the respirator. And when he turned two months old, they said did you want to? And I said, absolutely, because he's not my, my child, that's someone that's God's child. If he's supposed to be here, he's going to be here. I'm not going to selfishly keep him here and I was ready to sacrifice that.

Speaker 2:

And then and I was only at two months old he's had several like so many surgeries, like we thought he wasn't gonna gonna make it so how I had to change my you know, yes, he's not going to be president, but he brings value to all the folks that he meets. He makes them smile, he makes them feel welcomed, and that's what I focus on is making sure that he can communicate that he does have the fullest life that he can, because that's what I would want for myself, so I want that for him. And so once we start to get over the boo-hoos of our own loss of the dreams that we had for our children, then we can. Okay, we got that out the way. Now what do we need to do? How can we make this the best that it can be, give the best quality of life that we can to them and to us, right? So when, in case of an emergency and the mask dropped down, put the mask on yourself, then you check.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, that's great. I'm so happy for you. I really am. What's next in your coaching journey?

Speaker 2:

What's next for me is I've had an opportunity to meet with one of the local school districts that has created a community outreach program for families with special needs, and so I am working with their coordinator to bring the program to them, to the parents, because they do a lot of support groups and I think eventually they're going to do, like you know, outings for the parents. But more importantly, it's providing that service to, you know, our early education families that are in the school district, and I'm hoping to also be an advocate, because I have been there a few times having to advocate for my own child. Okay, okay, and so that's. That's pretty much where my focus is right now is getting onto the community and getting to where the parents are and just being a resource and an advocate for them. Who are those clients?

Speaker 1:

that you work with? Is there a specific group that you work with?

Speaker 2:

Right now? No, it's individuals. Right now I was I am actually, excuse me working with Alta California Regional Center in getting in with those parents. It's literally specifically me feeding into, you know, the parents of autistic children okay helping them deal with that diagnosis, that prognosis, that lifestyle, and getting all the best tools that you know to help them get through day to day.

Speaker 1:

And how can my audience get in contact with you for more information or just to connect with you?

Speaker 2:

Well, I do have a website, it's MaliaDemiscom, and I also have an email, maliadimas, at gmailcom, and that's spelled M-A-W-I-Y-A-H-D-E-M-A-S, dot com, or at gmailcom.

Speaker 1:

Awesome. Lastly, what's a nugget or a thought that you can leave us with before we sign off?

Speaker 2:

I'm going to share. The biggest secret that I learned is that life is not hard. It's just the circumstances that we have to get through. So just take a deep breath and take that first step.

Speaker 1:

There it is, mawiyah.

Speaker 2:

I appreciate you, my sister, thank you, I appreciate you, I appreciate you.

Speaker 1:

Thank you for joining me in this episode of let's Think About it. Your time and attention are greatly appreciated. If you found value in today's discussion, I encourage you to subscribe on your favorite podcast platform. Remember, the journey of self-improvement is ongoing and I'm here to support you every step of the way. Connect with me on social media for updates and insights. You can find me on Instagram and Facebook, at Coach Mo, coaching or LinkedIn, at Maurice Mabry, or visit my website at mauricemabrycom for exclusive content. Until next time, keep reflecting, keep growing and, most importantly, keep believing in yourself. Remember, the most effective way to do it is to do it Together. We're making incredible strides toward a better and more empowered you, so thank you, and I'll see you in our next episode.