Let's Think About It Podcast

The Inner Critic is a Sly Motherf*****

• Morice Mabry • Season 1 • Episode 22

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The inner critic is a sly motherf***** 😈. Tune in as Coach Mo reflects on a pivotal moment from his first experiences with this sly motherf***** created fear and self-doubt that caused him to sabotage his confidence in playing organized basketball 🏀. By sharing this personal story, he reveals how self-inflicted negative thoughts can create a false sense of inadequacy, limiting our potential. Coach Mo's aim is to help you recognize and silence your inner critic, empowering you to reach new heights in your personal and professional life 🚀.

In this transformative episode, we dissect practical strategies to challenge and manage your inner critic, especially during moments of fear and worry 😟. Coach Mo will guide you through techniques such as asking open-ended questions ❓, being an empathic listener 🧏‍♂️, and utilizing more gratitude 🙏. Additionally, discover the power of deep breathing exercises to ground yourself and build confidence 🌬️. By the end of this episode, you'll be equipped with valuable tools to confront your inner critic and unlock your true potential 🔓✨.

Speaker 1:

Welcome to the let's Think About it podcast, where we embark on a journey of thoughtfulness and personal growth. I'm your host, coach Mo, and I'm here to guide you through thought-promoting discussions that will inspire you to unlock your full potential. In each episode, we'll explore a wide range of topics, from self-discovery and mindfulness to goal-setting and achieving success. Together, we'll challenge conventional thinking and dive deep into the realms of possibility. Whether you're looking to find clarity in your personal or professional life, or seeking strategies to overcome obstacles, this podcast is your go-to source for insightful conversations and practical advice. So find a comfortable spot, chill and let's embark on this journey of self-improvement together. Remember, the power of transformation lies within you and together we'll uncover the tools and insights you need to make it happen. So let's dive in. Welcome to another episode of the let's Think About it podcast. I'm your host, coach Mo, and I want to tap back into a few episodes ago I talked about came in this punk ass inner critic. I'm back. I'm back to discuss the inner critic. The inner critic is a sly mother, you know what, and I'm going to leave it at that. But I want to tap right back into that because it consistently gets in our way, from us being our true potential selves, and I want to really help address the inner critic and how it continues to show up and get in our way. Okay, but what exactly is the inner critic? Let me break that down again. The inner critic is these self-inflicted negative thought that we just naturally carry, and it shows up in so many different formats. And the most pivotal times when we're trying to excel is when this slide, mother, you know what shows up and gets in our makes us play small. It may also be defined as imposter syndrome. Right, it's a representation of yourself. That's what it is, that's what it is right, because your true self, when you're confident, when you're joyful, when you're positive, that's who you probably naturally is. But in certain moments when you feeling afraid, worried, sad, this representation, this flaw, shows up, and the reason that flaw do you show up is because of that punk ass inner critic. Where does this come from? Like, how do we even get this? Why is it showing up and consistently getting in our way? It varies for all of us, so what I'm going to do is I'm going to go back to visit my early stages of how it showed up for me and maybe that can resonate some thoughts for you and how it's showed up early on for you. But, like I said, it comes in so many different forms and it changes faces in so many different ways that it's probably even hard to track back the key point of how it shows up. But I'm going to go back to my book.

Speaker 1:

I wrote a book, the what If Effect. By the way, you can find that at your Amazon stores had to get that commercial in. But one thing I talked about in my book was this fear that I had early on and I think I was like in the eighth grade and I talked about this. I think I was like in the eighth grade and I talked about this and I remember this vividly because I was new to my middle school in Oakland and I went out for the basketball team, ok, and I used to love playing hoop. I play hoop all the time, which was my second love. Football is my first love, but hoop was my second love and I remember going out for the team and I didn't know anybody on the team. I didn't know anybody at the school and I just went out and I tried out and they may.

Speaker 1:

I made it past first cuts when I was practicing, trying to make the team pass second cuts. I remember just thinking no one was passing me the ball and I just had this fear that because no one was passing me the ball, that I was going to get cut. I don't know where that thought came from, but I carried it, right I carried it. And because I carried that thought that I potentially will not make the team, I was afraid that I would be humiliated by knowing that I didn't make the team because I got cut. So instead I decided to quit. I quit before even knowing if I was even good enough to make the team and, as a result, I never played basketball, ever again.

Speaker 1:

And that is my earliest time thinking back of that inner critic showing up, convincing me to quit the team before I become humiliated and getting cut Crazy, crazy. But being an adult now and thinking back on that, I really was afraid. I really was afraid to be cut, and think about that when I think of that. Where did that fear really come from? Where was the experience that created me to not even want to try to give my most effort, best effort, and I was willing to quit before getting the notice of even trying to make the team Crazy. But that's what I carried at that moment in that time.

Speaker 1:

And, long story short, never played hoop, ever again, never played hoop. And I just naturally carried that. I never. I just subconsciously, I felt like I just wasn't good enough to play basketball. And I never. I just subconsciously I felt like I just wasn't good enough to play basketball and I never tried again. I never.

Speaker 1:

As I got to high school, I never, like, really wanted to play basketball ever again. I never had interest to try out for the team, I was just interested in just continuing just to play football. But is that because the inner critic was really present and was really embedded in my mind that if I try it out and if I get cut I will feel really humiliated about myself? Crazy right, crazy. So I never knew what my potential was and who. I remember being in college and I used to ball out playing basketball and recreation against the men's basketball team and was very competitive against those guys. So I know I had the talent. But that inner critic was so embedded that I never even thought to try, never thought to try out for the team, never did Crazy right.

Speaker 1:

But think about your situation, think about what stories are you carrying? What limiting beliefs are you carrying? Because that's the inner critic, that's the sly mother. You know what that I'm talking about? Because this thing, man, he, she, slides in there and make you feel like you ain't good enough. You ain't good enough and it shows up, number one, as a limiting belief.

Speaker 1:

You know what a limiting belief is? A limiting belief is a stereotype beliefs that we just carry, that we just believe to be true in our mind. And it can come from. It could come from a family member, it can come from friends, it can come from the news, it could come from media, it could come from a certain experience. It's just a belief that we have in your own perspective and you just carry that belief around with you.

Speaker 1:

And, like I did, I was carrying this belief that I wasn't good enough to play hoop. I just had this belief in my mind right, and no matter how good I competed on the rec court, playing against people didn't matter, I wasn't good enough. I had this limiting belief in my mindset that I was not good enough to play competitive basketball for an organized team. Crazy how that shit just shows up, right, and it was just embedded subconsciously. But that's just a snippet example of one limiting belief that I carry, example of one limiting belief that I carry. Now there's tons of other limiting beliefs that I carry and we all carry them. We all do Right, and a lot of times we don't even know what we don't know. We don't know what we don't know.

Speaker 1:

The inner critic, that's how sly it is. He just slides in there and make you and you just play small without knowing you're playing small because you're carrying this limiting belief. The other aspect of it is the story that we tell ourselves. Right, I remember thinking, if I didn't make the team, people would think I'm a loser and that was the story. That was the story, the narrative that I carried, and I believed it to be true. I believed it to be true and it hadn't even happened yet the cuts haven't even happened yet. But I had the story in my mind that how would I be able to show face at school knowing that I got cut and what would people be thinking about me? That was the story that I was telling myself.

Speaker 1:

So we carry these stories and the inner critic that sly mother, you know what he convinces you to believe the judgments that people are going to have of you. That's what he does and we believe that story and so we try to avoid that judgment. We try to avoid what people are going to think of us if we do X, y, z, right. But here's the reality. Here's the reality of it all. No one gives a shit about you. I know, I know what about your loved ones and this and this, and that I'm not saying that they don't literally give a shit about you. They do care, your loved ones do care, but no one walks your shoes the way you walk your shoes. They're dealing with their judgments. So while they're dealing with their judgments, so while they're dealing with their judgments, they're not thinking about you and what you got going on in your judgments. That's what I mean about they don't give a shit about you and your circumstance because they're too busy dealing with them in their circumstances. They're, in their head, dealing with their inner critic. That's how it is. That's how it is.

Speaker 1:

It's real talk. It's real talk because we're showing up thinking like what are they going to say about me if I do this and do that, or don't do this, or this outcome happens? What are they going to really be thinking about me? The reality of it is they're not thinking about you because they're in their heads, worrying about who's thinking about them. It's crazy, like that, right, but that's where the inner critic slides in there and gets you to really buy into that theory of the story of people are going to be judging you a certain way and you believe the story and you carry the story. And while you're carrying the story, you don't act, you become stuck, you become stagnant. You do and afraid because what you think people will think of you. The reality, like I keep saying, is they're not worried about you because they're in their own thoughts, worrying about who's judging them. That's the reality of it. And then it shows up, this inner critic, this sly mother, you know what Shows up, making you assume a certain outcome is going to happen before it actually even happens. That's the other way. He slides in there and he plays you Right.

Speaker 1:

Because, thinking back, right, like when I was playing basketball early on the assumption that's what it is I was assuming, because I didn't get past the ball, people wasn't passing me the ball, my teammates that I wasn't good enough and that they didn't, they wasn't going to embrace me as a new teammate. That was the assumption that I also carried in my head. But the reality was I was new to the school, these guys have already been playing with each other and I hadn't built a trust yet. I haven't built my credibility for people to believe that I belong. I haven't even built that yet. But immediately I go into the assumption that because they're not passing me the ball, I must not be good enough. That was the assumption and the story that I carried. And then it was a limiting belief. The limiting belief was that I wasn't good enough and I carried it and I quit. I quit the team before even knowing what my true potential was. That's how it shows up.

Speaker 1:

So think about certain assumptions that we're carrying. We are assuming because a certain thing happened, a certain way, right, the inner critic is telling us that X, y, z is going to happen before it actually happens, and so to avoid embarrassment of what we perceive and think will be embarrassment, we don't try, we quit because we don't want to be humiliated, we don't want to be disappointed, and that's how the inner critic really starts to get the best of us. That's how he shows up, that's how he slithers his way in there and then it's attached. Our voice is attached to these beliefs, so we hear this in our head. Right, that it's us telling ourselves this story to make it really believable, because our voice is attached to it in our minds, in our heads.

Speaker 1:

Right, if you're dealing with depression, you're dealing with some serious mental health issues. I do recommend reaching out for medical help. I'm coming from the space of just a person with good mental health who are just battling with the inner critic, so I want to clarify that when you're talking about mental health, mental health, illness, some of these things require medication. What I'm talking about is for people with normal mental health, so I just wanted to clarify that.

Speaker 1:

How do we overcome this? I don't think we can ever overcome it because by nature, we naturally think worst case scenario, just as humans. We naturally become afraid, we naturally become worrisome, all of those different things, right. But how do you tame it? How do you really create awareness when the inner critic is trying to be very sly and trip you up? How do you control that? That's the question, and I got a couple of tips for you. I got a couple of tips because it can never be overcome. You can never overcome it because it's always going to come up in different forms, different formats, but what you can do is be aware that, when the inner critic is showing up and is trying to manipulate your mind to feel afraid and worried, that there are certain things that you can do to take action so that you can be productive and continue to move forward. And one of the first things that you can do is challenge it. Challenge your inner critic anytime, every time. How do you know when to challenge it if you don't know what you don't know? Great question, mo. Here's how you go about that.

Speaker 1:

You got to be in touch with your feelings. What I mean by that is when you feel afraid, when you feel worried, when you feel discouraged, when you feel guilty, when you feel powerlessness, all of those feelings generate just like this negative type, down draining type feeling. That's the trigger to do the opposite. What I mean is, when you're feeling afraid, that's the trigger to not be afraid. Okay, you're afraid because of what? If it hasn't happened yet, that means you're probably tapping into a previous experience that's related to a certain circumstance that you're about to embark on and it's scary as hell, but it hasn't happened yet. Yes, you've experienced this in the past and it was hurtful and you don't want to experience that again. True enough, but it still hasn't happened yet. And just because it hasn't happened yet doesn't mean it will happen. So that can be the trigger to say huh, instead of being afraid. How do I be confident? How do I ensure the win in this situation? How do I contradict the triggered feeling and make it into a positive triggered feeling? That's the key. That's what I mean by challenging it.

Speaker 1:

So in moments when you feel, let's just say, afraid to have a difficult conversation, right, typically you're banking on your previous experiences of how the conversation like this went in the past and it didn't go so well. So it makes it scary to have that kind of similar conversation going forward. Right, natural, it's natural to feel that way. And it's okay to feel afraid, totally okay. Acknowledge that too. It's okay. Yes, I'm afraid to have this conversation because of the potential result that may come from this conversation. I acknowledge that. But what am I going to do different in this conversation versus the last time I had this conversation? And how can I make it become a positive outcome and be intentional from that mindset and anticipate that it hasn't happened yet and all you can do is show up in good faith that it's going to be a good conversation and then just have that conversation.

Speaker 1:

There's different tweaks and tricks you can add to the conversation, like asking open-ended questions, being an empathic listener meaning not trying to get your point across before the person even responds, it's just being very open-minded going into the situation. Those are some little tweaks that you can add going into difficult conversations. But it's normal to feel afraid because you're banking on how past conversations have went and you're anticipating that you will get the kind of the same results. But it hasn't happened yet. It's in the future. So give yourself credit that you're going to take a different approach and be proactive about that approach and talk to somebody going into the conversation so that you feel more confident in your approach going into the conversation.

Speaker 1:

But here's where that sly mother you know what of the critic comes into play. He's going to convince you not to have a conversation with somebody else going into it. He wants you to be afraid going into it because now you're carrying the judgment. If I ask somebody for insights, then they're going to think this of me, that I'm not a good leader going into this difficult conversation with this other person. So then you downplay it and then you just stay stagnant of being afraid to have a difficult conversation because you're afraid to have the conversation to get help with someone, because you don't want them to think that you're a certain type, a certain person, you don't want them in your business, blah, blah, blah All of this other judgment, it just like, really starts to come up and you stay stagnant and then you don't get help. That's just how it works. That's how that's what I mean by the inner critic being the sly mother. You know what. That's what he does and it just keeps you stagnant and you just become hopeful that things change. But you're not changing. So you get the same result Afraid, don't have the conversation, avoid it, and it just repeats itself and repeats itself and it's never resolved. And that's just where you are, that's where you stay.

Speaker 1:

So, challenge the inner critic. And how do you challenge it? By one becoming aware of your feelings. And in those moments of your feelings, if you feel afraid, you feel hesitant, you feel doubtful, you feel guilt, utilize that as the trigger to take action in those moments and ask yourself what is the solution, what is the positive outcome that I'm looking for? And move towards that outcome by taking positive actions that will help you overcome that inner critic in that moment.

Speaker 1:

The next thing is breathe. Yeah, you breathe every day, I get that. But take deep breaths, do some breathing activities, google it and I know you heard me talk about this before, but breathing techniques is very powerful and it really helps ground you. So you do that in combination with challenging it. You start to feel a little bit more confident, you feel a little bit more grounded in going into the situation and then finally, add in gratitude. Yes, there are so many different ways that you can incorporate gratitude into your daily lives.

Speaker 1:

Don't sleep on gratitude. Do not sleep on it Because ultimately, the more gratitude that you can bring into any situation, any areas of your life, it creates optimism, it creates trust, it creates faith and it creates action and all of that results into your desired outcomes of what you're seeking. But if gratitude isn't part of your equation, you got to start to think why you're so fearful. Then you got to because, at the bare minimum, you do nothing. It's normal to feel afraid. It is Because think about it.

Speaker 1:

In our society, social media, everything is negative. Negative If you have no awareness, not incorporating any type of gratitude into your being, into your consciousness, then what do you really have to fight off the negativity? What do you really have? If you are the person that thinks worst case scenario in all scenarios right, why? Why, when there's the other side of the equation, of best case scenario in every scenario, why do you resolve on the worst case scenario? Why is that? And then ask yourself, if that's how you are, how much gratitude, legitimately? How much gratitude do you actually really carry in your consciousness? Ask yourself that. I don't know the answer to that, right, but here's what I do know For Maurice Mabry I incorporate gratitude into my being. I'm very thankful. I write out positive affirmations in notebooks.

Speaker 1:

Inner critic typically slides in and gets the best of me to make me feel worried about different situations. But what I noticed? When I'm very intentional about affirmations about how great of a guy person I am, I just naturally have a tendency to focus on solutions. I just have a natural tendency to just be positive. And, trust me, I deal with the inner critic just like anybody else do. The key of it all is how long are you there dwelling when the inner critic is present? That's the question. That's the question. And how do you know the inner critic is present? That's the question. That's the question. And how do you know the inner critic is present? It's when you're feeling worried, down, sad, afraid. That's all.

Speaker 1:

Inner critic. Flip it to inner peace, inner peace. Think about that. Think about whenever you have the inner peace. What does that feel like? How do you get more of that in those moments? Come at it from that angle. You do that. You're taming that punk ass inner critic all day, every day. You're never going to get rid of it. You're never going to get rid of it. But that doesn't mean you can't tame his punk ass Right. Think about it. Think about it. How do you get your inner peace? Think of any situation, any area that you're confident in and you're really at peace with that. How did you get there? How do you maintain that? Use that same strategy of, however you got there and apply it to another area of your life where you feel afraid. That's the strategy, that's the success formula.

Speaker 1:

And then, when the inner critic starts to show up and you're not as confident and as strong to approach it, utilize some of the strategies that I incorporated, that I shared with you Challenge it, breathe, breathing technique, incorporate gratitude and, most importantly, talk to somebody. Talk to someone and here's a strategy in how you can talk to someone. Set ground rules, say, hey, I need to talk to you, but here are some things that I need from you in return. What's that? I just need you to listen. I don't need any advice. I know you always want to help. I just need you to listen. So as I talk and I get some of these thoughts out, it would help me make a better decision.

Speaker 1:

And if I need your advice, allow me to ask you for your advice and approach it from that lens. You should be good. You should be good because a loved one really does want to help and their version of helping sometimes could be giving you advice. But giving you advice in those moments is probably something you don't really need. You just need to be able to talk. What's in our heads, those stories, the limiting beliefs, some of those assumptions. You just need to talk it out to someone that's there to listen so that when it's out, you can objectively make a decision, because now it's out and it's not inside your head, and when you're able to do that a lot of times, you're good. That becomes the power of coaching, that becomes the power of listening, and so that's how you would approach that. But I hope today this episode was insightful for you because, remember, the inner critic is a sly mother, you know what, and he's always always is gonna be trying to find ways to slip in there and keep you limited and keep you small and keep you very weak, if he can or if she can. So just follow through on what I said.

Speaker 1:

Thank you for joining me in this episode of let's Think About it. Your time and attention are greatly appreciated. If you found value in today's discussion, I encourage you to subscribe on your favorite podcast platform. Remember, the journey of self-improvement is ongoing and I'm here to support you every step of the way. Connect with me on social media for updates and insights. You can find me on Instagram and Facebook at Coach Mo Coaching, or LinkedIn at Maurice Mabry, or visit my website at mauricemabrycom for exclusive content. Until next time, keep reflecting, keep growing and, most importantly, keep believing in yourself. Remember, the most effective way to do it is to do it Together. We're making incredible strides toward a better and more empowered you. So thank you, and I'll see you in our next episode.