Let's Think About It Podcast

Taming Your Punk Ass Inner Critic

• Morice Mabry • Season 1 • Episode 17

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Ever find yourself haunted by that little voice of doubt whispering you're not good enough just when you're about to leap for greatness? Coach Mo here, and on the newest episode of Let's Think About It, we're going to arm you with an arsenal of strategies to muzzle that niggling inner critic. We delve into the psyche, piecing together how our past, society, and those sneaky personal experiences shape a critic that's all too eager to see us play it safe. But fear not, I'm laying out a blueprint to help you stand tall and silence the self-sabotage, ensuring that when life's big moments knock, you answer with unwavering confidence. 🛡️💪

And it's not all about the battles within; we're lighting up the path to a positive mindset with the incandescent power of gratitude. I'm breaking down just how a simple 'thank you' to life can be your shield against the barrage of self-doubt, transforming how you face life's curveballs. Let's turn the volume down on those inner doubts and shine a spotlight on your strengths, making sure that the next time you're stepping into the limelight—be it a job interview or any of life's arenas—you do so with a stride that says, "I've got this." Tune in for a heart-to-heart that's going to change how you confront fears and chase after those opportunities with a vision cleared by gratitude and boldness. 🌟🎙️

Speaker 1:

Welcome to the let's Think About it podcast, where we embark on a journey of thoughtfulness and personal growth. I'm your host, coach Mo, and I'm here to guide you through thought-promoting discussions that will inspire you to unlock your full potential. In each episode, we'll explore a wide range of topics, from self-discovery and mindfulness to goal-setting and achieving success. Together, we'll challenge conventional thinking and dive deep into the realms of possibility. Whether you're looking to find clarity in your personal or professional life, or seeking strategies to overcome obstacles, this podcast is your go-to source for insightful conversations and practical advice. So find a comfortable spot, chill and let's embark on this journey of self-improvement together. Remember, the power of transformation lies within you, and together we'll uncover the tools and insights you need to make it happen. So let's dive in. Welcome to another episode of the let's Think About it podcast. I'm your host, coach Mo, and today I got an interesting topic that I want to jump into. I want to talk about taming your punk-ass inner critic, aka judgment, aka imposter syndrome, aka self-doubt, aka fear, whatever you want to call it. I'm going to talk about the inner critic, that damn thing that gets in our way every time we're trying to do something big in our life, that inner critic punk ass excuse my French, but punk ass just to create awareness. Punk ass, just to create awareness, because it makes us play small. It comes up in pivotal moments when we're trying to do some big things or things that needs to happen. It always shows up and creates some sort of judgment, some sort of doubt, fear, any of that. And so what exactly is this inner critic? Do expect judgment? That I'm talking about. What I'm referring to? It's these stereotypes, it's these generalizations, it's the stories, our egos that we tell ourselves, these egos that that gets so big. And it gets in the way of just being open minded and being opportunistic. The critic gets in the way. It's the assumptions that we carry, it's the doubt, it's the fear, it's the worry. All of that, right, all of that is what that inner critic is. And then it plays itself against us all day, every day, regardless of what situation you're in, and it shows up in so many different forms. It shows up trying to work through a difficult conversation, it shows up judgment against people, it shows up in our marriages, it shows up in our family relationships, it shows up at work, it shows up in our personal life, it shows up on the basketball court, it shows up on the football field, it shows up in all aspects of our lives, and so today I want to talk about how do you tame this punk-ass inner critic? How do we get past it? Where does it even come from? Let's start there. Let's start there.

Speaker 1:

Where do the inner critic come from? Man, the inner critic comes from our upbringing is the simplest way to put it. The simplest way to put it, because there are people that are around us our friends, our neighbors, we got the media, we got the news, we got our teachers, we have mentors, we have coaches, we have our race, our ethnicity, our gender. All of these things. All of these things contribute for the development of that inner critic. Right, and it just formulates into our own personal belief systems and we don't realize it and then we just carry it voice being, however you want to describe it about. It shows up in pivotal moments to just make us play small or make us like, avoid critical situations that we know is best for us, right, and we know that. But we listen to the inner critic.

Speaker 1:

So that's why I call the inner critic a punk ass, because it's trying to make you be small, it's trying to help you or influence you to avoid key situations in your life. Key situations in your life that's going to elevate you All, because this punk ass is trying to be safe, make you be safe, make you avoid certain things when things haven't even occurred yet. It creates this doubt, it creates this worry, this fear that makes you even more afraid of some shit that's not even real, that hasn't even happened yet. Because we're trying to tap into a previous experience okay, and we don't and the pain from what we've went through, and which is totally understandable because we all have our own stories that we carry. We really do. We really do. Whatever your story is right, we all have one. We all have things that we've had to overcome in life and you know what? Some of those aspects of our life was really hard and was really challenging. Wouldn't want certain people to go through those experiences.

Speaker 1:

So our best course of action is to protect our kids people that we love and care about from experiencing that type of hardship. Right, and so we show up to protect them. But as the kid growing up being protected around this hardship, it's also developing that kid's own inner critics and some of the fears, some of the hardships that we've went through are some fears that we pass on to our loved ones. That's in our environment, because we don't want them to experience that hardship. So that's our way of protecting them indulging our fears to help them avoid the situation. But all that does is contribute towards developing others on inner critic, if that makes sense. And the point of me even talking about this, it's just more awareness. It's awareness because, at the end of the day, we's just more awareness. It's awareness because, at the end of the day, we all have inner critics. There's no way to avoid it. We all have assumptions, we all have judgments and it comes up in pivotal moments in our lives.

Speaker 1:

So, just like this, for example, I'm thinking about a topic for this podcast. What we're talking right now I'm thinking about. I was thinking about what am I going to talk about? And I was like I'm going to. I'm going to talk about the inner critic. I'm going to talk about that punk ass inner critic. And as I was thinking that his ass showed up, he showed up and said well, you can't say punk ass On your podcast. How would that look? What would people start to think of you? What would they say about your professionalism if you say the word punk ass in your title on your podcast. That's an example right there, just how the inner critic showed up for me. But you know what I said I'm moving forward, fuck it, I'm going in. This is what I want to talk about, because this is who Mo is Right. And then the inner critic sort of came to that, it went away and I just did it. So that's the next thing that I want to talk about is like, how do you tame the inner critic?

Speaker 1:

It starts with number one self-awareness. Self-awareness is the key. You got to know that the inner critic is present before you can even take action, and that's what self-awareness really starts to come into play. And what is exactly self-awareness in these type of situations? How are you feeling, right? So just speaking about thinking, just speaking on my podcast and what I was thinking of, this title, like I just mentioned, right In that moment, it was like a little worry.

Speaker 1:

What would people think if I said punk ass in my podcast? Right, that worry? Some feeling told me that the inner critic was present. There was some sort of judgment, there was a little bit of a doubt, there was a little bit of a worrisome feeling that was trying to develop and that was an indicator for me that the inner critic was present and so I needed to dismiss it. I needed to take action. And as I took action developing notes and things like that and made a decision that I'm going to do it, and it just went away. So self-awareness is the key, right?

Speaker 1:

And if you're struggling identifying like how do I know the self-awareness, or when that inner critic really even exists, think of, you've got to be in touch with your feelings. Right, I know it can sound like I'm not a Philly type person. We all are right. We know we know when we're frustrated. We know when we feel annoyed. We know when we feel happy. We know when we feel excited. We know when we feel like we're in a zone. We know when we feel afraid All of these things that's being stage or hesitant, or feeling doubtful, or feel the frustration coming up.

Speaker 1:

The inner critic is present. It is, and so in that moment, when you can identify that the inner critic is present, cancel his punk ass. You got to. You got to. And how do you do that? Take action. Whatever you're avoiding, take action. The prime example you got to have a difficult conversation. I love this because, as leaders, we avoid difficult conversations all the time. Right, and think of that avoidance. In the moment when you have to have a difficult conversation and you're trying to avoid it. What is that feeling? Right? And it doesn't typically feel good. There's a lot of nervousness, it's a lot of putting it off, right. All of that is present. The inner critic is present as well. That's the indicator, right there, that's always the indicator, so you navigate around it.

Speaker 1:

Another way to tame it is to challenge the negative thought. Right, because the inner critic shows up, chirping negative thoughts into our mindset. And how do you challenge that? Let's take, for example, I'm never going to be successful, right, that's a negative thought. What's the other side of the coin of that? I am positive, I am going to be successful, I am successful. So you have to challenge that negative thought.

Speaker 1:

But it goes back to the self-awareness. Because how do you know when you even have a negative thought and it's in existence in that moment? You have to have self-awareness. It has to be present in order to even be able to challenge a negative thought. So everything starts with self-awareness. And when a negative thought is present, feeling like you can't do something, or you're a failure, or you should have done this, or this isn't going to happen to you. Why me Think about it. With those thoughts, there's typically a downing feeling that you have. Naturally, no one says I'm not going to be successful and be excited about it. You really are typically down on yourself when you have a certain negative thought. That's the indicator, that's the self-awareness and how it starts to trigger to switch that thought. And when you're able to do that, there's power of choice, always, all day, every day, and that starts the process of taming the inner critic.

Speaker 1:

The other thing that you can do is embrace gratitude. Right, we underestimate the power of gratitude big time. Right, and we are grateful for so many things that happen in our lives when things are just riding high, right. But think about some of the challenges that we run into by trying to apply for a job and the difficulty it is to get over that hurdle to get an interview. Let's just take that, for example. And how could you have gratitude in that process? You're not thinking gratitude.

Speaker 1:

In that process, you're probably feeling frustrated because you're not getting what you want in that moment, because it's difficult, and so it's always easiest to focus on the difficulty in what you're going through. But here's the power of gratitude. Gratitude really helps you take optimism to the next level. It really does. Optimism is the key to create the positivity and keep the inner critic, negative thoughts, to a minimum. But it takes practice in incorporating on a consistent basis gratitude thoughts. Right, gratitude thought. Having gratitude is really simple. But it's easier to forget about gratitude and those thoughts around it Because in that moment of the circumstance, of what you're dealing with, it's always easiest to do nothing and be frustrated. That's the easiest thing.

Speaker 1:

But the power of gratitude, when you can like really think above and beyond the situation and what the greater purpose of the situation is, and have and be grateful for the opportunity to go through the experience, that's the learning process. And once you accept whatever the challenges that you're going through, what's that learning process? We evolve from the learning processes. That's how we grow as individuals, right, and with gratitude. It takes us to an optimistic viewpoint in how we just start to approach situations. And guess what viewpoint? And how we just start to approach situations and guess what. You're on the positive side of thinking, not on the negative side, and so that kind of keeps the gremlin, the inner critic at bay? Right, because the inner critic is the thing that comes up that's telling you can't do this, we you're. It makes you nervous and it's always chirping this negative self-doubt about yourself, right, in various situations.

Speaker 1:

Well, with gratitude, if you have a regimen that you apply to yourself that consistently builds gratitude into your thinking process, guess what? When the inner critic does show up, the gratitude pushes it down so much faster that the inner critic isn't lingering as long as it normally lingers, because there's so much more gratitude that's present in your thoughts. And the way that you can start to manipulate your thoughts with more gratitude is just play mind games with yourself, right? What I mean by that is like it's easy to have a gratitude thought, but it's even easier to forget about having gratitude thoughts. You just get into your flow of your natural ways of doing things and gratitude isn't like part of that whole process.

Speaker 1:

What are some of the things that you can start to do to incorporate more gratitude thoughts in your day to day, right? Maybe start your day listening to some positive music and that positive music maybe ignite something that causes you to think more gratitude. You can take it from that foot. Maybe it's a podcast. Maybe it's a pet right, we are pet owners not all of us, but a lot of people love their pets. Maybe that pet petting them ignites some sort of gratitude. You can utilize it, you can leverage that. Maybe it's exercise. Maybe when you exercise it puts you in a zone where you can think gratitude. Maybe it's exercise. Maybe when you exercise, it puts you in the zone where you can think gratitude. I don't know, but you got to figure it out to incorporate more gratitude in your being.

Speaker 1:

So it keeps the inner critic at bay, and that's the key of taming the inner critic, if that makes sense, right. And then the other thing is focus on your strengths, right. It's so easy to fall into the habit of what we're not good at and complaining about it. That's when the inner critic is present he's looking for. The inner critic is always ready to entertain negative Nancy in our mind and ready to complain about what we're not good at. And we are that self-critic of ourselves and we put ourselves down so much quicker than we do by elevating ourselves and talking about and focusing on what we're currently good at. It's crazy how this inner critic really starts to show up, right?

Speaker 1:

Let's take applying for a job. For example, you can be an exec, regardless of whatever level you're in. Right, you know your skill set. You're good at what you do. You've been doing it for years and you're trying to make the transition. For example, right, you go through the process. You got your application up to is up to point. You've been prepping for the interview, you've been doing your research. You did all of these little things to get yourself prepared for your next opportunity. Right, and the opportunity is staring you right there in front of you, and you got the interview. That's the opportunity right.

Speaker 1:

So, going into the interview like walking into the interview, whether it's virtual or in person you're nervous as hell. You're afraid. Right, the inner critic is present right now. Why, though? Why? Why are you so afraid right now? Why are you so nervous? You got a lot at stake? Of course you do, but that doesn't mean you're still not prepared. That's what you've been doing your past 10, 15, 20 years, wherever you are in your career. You know what you know. That's who you are. That's what you built up right.

Speaker 1:

So, just because you're going to talk in front of a few people, I get it. You want the job, or whatever, right, I get it, I really do get it, but I'm the inner critic is more present than you, allowing your talents to shine, and because of that, it knocks you off your game all day, every day. It makes you play small in that moment. That's what I'm saying, because the inner critic is a punk ass. That's what it does. It shows up in pivotal moments when you've been preparing for a certain duration of time to try to knock you off your game, in which it's thinking it's trying to protect you, but it's really not. That's some punk ass shit, man. And so what are you going to do about it? Right, and you, listening to me, even say that right now.

Speaker 1:

You probably said I feel you, mo, I feel you, but the inner critic like no, we're going to keep doing what we're doing, we're good, you're going to, you're going to take this in and you're going to continue to do what you do. Right, and you're going to continue to be afraid of difficult conversations avoidance, whatever the case may be. Conversations avoidance, whatever the case may be. But on a serious note, what steps are you going to include to start to, like, really limit the inner critic punk ass from throwing you off your game? Just real talk because you have to be intentional about it.

Speaker 1:

If you you're not, you're in this autopilot, just going in circles over repeating the same thing, the same circumstance coming up, and you continue to avoid it, you continue to avoid it. You continue to avoid it, circumstance avoid, circumstance, avoid. Because you're afraid to take action and address it, because the inner critic is present and assuming that if you say this, do this and do that, a bad outcome is going to happen. But it hasn't happened yet. It happened in the past. Okay, the past is already behind us. The future isn't here yet. So all there is right now, all there is to do, is to act. And when you act right, when you take action, it literally tames the inner critic all day, every day. But you got to act.

Speaker 1:

But it's always easier to avoid, always Right, and it's easier to carry those submissive, doubtful, worrisome or fearful-type feelings and we just wait for it to go away, which eventually it does. But there's no power of choice in that, there never is power of choice in that, until you decide nah, mr Inner Critic, we ain't doing this today, I'm about to do X, y, z, and that's just what it's going to be. And then you do it. And then it's not even that bad of what your mind and that inner critic was putting in your mind. Space for it to be. It was not even true, but we walk around believing it to be true forever. We all do it. We all do it. I'm not immune to it either. I do it too. But here's the thing I don't let it consume me, I acknowledge it and I move from it as quickly as possible and I just feel better.

Speaker 1:

But there's some of us that carries this fear, this avoidance, around with us for weeks, months, and then, after the fact, we wish we had acted, which is crazy, which is totally crazy. I know, I'm sorry, but I'm just being real and I love this stuff right, because we show up and we just think that the story in our mind that we're telling ourselves, the inner critic that's telling us we might get hurt or this might happen we believe it. And all I'm saying is you do not have to believe that shit, because the inner critic is a punk ass and he wants you to play small and stay small, so that the opportunities that you desire the most go right past. You have and could have type language that you just live by and then you just blame others for what? What hasn't happened for you? Someone else's fault? Nah, you always have power of choice, 1,000%. You always have power of choice.

Speaker 1:

You got to practice mindfulness, you got to. You got to. If you want to really tame the inner critic, you got to practice mindfulness. What exactly is mindfulness? Meditation? Do a little meditation, maybe five minutes, 10 minutes. Do it once a day, twice a day, whatever works for you.

Speaker 1:

Or some breathing exercises right? Breathing exercises is really powerful because it helps keep you present. So what exactly is the breathing exercises? Breathing exercises they call this the 4-4-4 box breathing technique and what that is. You inhale for four seconds, hold your breath for four seconds, exhale for four seconds and hold your breath for four seconds. One cycle is around what? 16 seconds, right, and you do the cycle for maybe five times. You do that five times, right, and there's a little less than a minute and whatever worry, anxiety, stress, frustration or even that inner critic is starting to show up, you do that breathing exercise that I just described. Right, it helps ground you. It helps ground you and it starts to move the inner critic, a bay, pushing it out, and you just start to feel calmer. Right, and a lot of people get anxiety for public speaking, right. Just the fear how people are going to think about me, what's going to happen if I mess up, or I've never done this before, all of those thoughts, right, that's the inner critic for one. But you do the breathing technique and you take a deep inhale through your nose, hold it, exhale for four seconds out of your mouth for four seconds and then hold it again for four seconds and, just like I said, repeat that cycle five times and you just naturally feel better. You do. You do Google it. Google breathing techniques, box breathing techniques, google that, right, and a lot of different things that come up. But that's practicing mindfulness. Okay, that's practicing mindfulness.

Speaker 1:

And then, another way to tame your inner critic is just a support system, right? Nothing validates the inner critic more than a negative environment of people who just envy you, don't want to see you successful, hate on you, complainers, all of that, all of that. That really reinforces the inner critic, right? So start surrounding yourself with positive people in your life, right? Whoever that is I don't know if it's a spouse, if it's a friend, co-workers, coach, family member, church pastor, doesn't matter. Whoever gives you that positivity, right? Because the inner critic, like, really thrives on negativity and it just reinforces it. Right, so just recreate some support around you.

Speaker 1:

And then when you do think failure because that happens too, right and, like I said, none of us is immune to it but just reframe it. Let's just say you didn't get the job that you applied for and you're really disappointed, instead of feeling like you're a failure. You never get these opportunities. I see this always happens to me, right? That's the inner critic talking, right there, by the way. But just reframe it. What's the opportunity here? How can I learn from this experience? Who can I reach out for feedback through my process of not getting this particular position that can give me more feedback so that I can get better? That's the opportunity. And you live in that space and you just start feeling better and then it starts to create more opportunities for you.

Speaker 1:

But to be frustrated that you didn't get an opportunity and live in that frustration, right, it's not healthy. It reinforces the inner critic. So the question really becomes like how quickly can you move past that frustrating feeling of not getting the job or getting in trouble, whatever the situation is, I don't know. But how quickly can you move past it and into a more opportunistic mindset that promotes a learning opportunity. When you can start to do that now, you're creating win-wins. And then that's keeping the inner critic at bay, because ultimately, what you really want to do is you just want to switch the language of the inner critic to more of a positive inner critic. So when that chirping starts, the chirping is man. I knew you was going to smash it. You are the man, you are the woman, you're awesome. You are so blessed. You're the woman, you're awesome, you are so blessed You're doing your thing. Just that positive thought process. That's what you want to switch that critic into a more optimistic voice. That's cheering you on. You want your own self, thoughts of cheering for yourself and your own mind. That's how you start to move forward.

Speaker 1:

And one last thing before I get up out of here is I do this assessment. It's called the Energy Leadership Index Assessment and you probably heard me talk about this, but it's an outstanding resource that I use to help around this inner critic stuff we're talking about. Right, it really starts to measure how it measures your energy and how you're showing up and check this out when you're least productive, right, when you feel frustrated, worried, afraid all of those things, those type of emotions. More than likely an inner critic is present, because there's judgment there, there's some sort of assumption there, there's ego there, there's negative voice chirping there, right. And what this assessment really starts to do, it starts to gauge that level of energy of where you are right and it measures it from levels one through seven and you get your own unique levels in how you show up on a normal day and how you're dealing with it during stress right, and how you're dealing with it during stress right. And so that becomes a space where you can start to look at your report from a tangible standpoint and how you see your energy and how it connects to these different judgments or inner critics that consistently show up to get us off of our game. And it looks at it from a standpoint of us on a normal day and how we're responding to it in stress.

Speaker 1:

And that is the process of helping to create more awareness around how you can start to tame that inner critic, if you know what I'm saying. But it's easier, and it's always going to be easier, to do nothing and just continue what you're saying way of avoiding certain things, because we all have something we all do. No one's perfect, even me, right and I'm consistently working on myself too. So I'm not I'm no different than you, right, but my role is to create awareness for you just around this punk ass inner critic that just gets in your way day in and day out. What's the play for you? What's your next move, right? If that's something that you're interested in, you can always just message me. But it ain't about I'm trying to get you to get an Eli assessment and all of that. It's more so about just create awareness to start taming your punk ass inner critic, and you can do that. If you can do that right, you really will start getting more of what you want out of life, out of certain circumstances. So, thank you, thank you for always entrusting in me, thank you for listening to me, and I'll talk to you soon. Peace to you soon Peace.

Speaker 1:

Thank you for joining me in this episode of let's Think About it. Your time and attention are greatly appreciated. If you found value in today's discussion, I encourage you to subscribe on your favorite podcast platform. Remember the journey of self-improvement is ongoing and I'm here to support you every step of the way. Connect with me on social media for updates and insights. You can find me on Instagram and Facebook at Coach Mo, coaching or LinkedIn at Maurice Mabry, or visit my website at mauricemabrycom for exclusive content. Until next time, keep reflecting, keep growing and, most importantly, keep believing in yourself. Remember, the most effective way to do it is to do it Together. We're making incredible strides toward a better and more empowered you, so thank you, and I'll see you in our next episode.